“When are you getting a boyfriend?- My mom, earlier today. I hate questions like these. They make me feel so pressured and that there is something wrong with me.
She was being serious. She reminded me that I am in fact 23 years old and have yet to bring a boy home to meet my parents. I tried to play it off cool like telling her that it’s not that big a deal and by answering with the very useful “I don’t know” when she asked if there were any admirers or potential boyfriends. That was all I could come up with because as soon as I heard the question, many thoughts started racing through my mind.
This is what I really wanted to say: Are you seriously asking me this question right now? Of course there are no admirers or potential boyfriends! Have you seen what I look like?? Stop pretending like you actually believe there is hope for me because we all know that is not true. I’m pretty sure even you know that it’s a long shot for me to even have a boyfriend at the moment. Especially considering how shallow and superficial guys these days are. Yeah, I don’t see it happening anytime soon. I’m sorry I’m not pretty enough to have all these guys chasing after me. I’m sorry I can’t lose all the weight you want me to so that I can be considered desirable. I’m sorry that I am into “guy stuff” and all that nerdy stuff because according to you, no guy will ever find that in the least bit attractive. I’m just sorry I’m not the perfect girl that every guy wants. I know what I look like and I know that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but can you please stop reminding me for goodness sake! I already feel crappy about myself enough without you constantly pointing out my many flaws.
She then started asking me what my goals are. Not career goals, which I think are important, or anything like that, but rather by what age do I plan on getting married or having kids. In other words, when is my cut off time. How the hell am I suppose to know?? It’s like she wants me to have everything figured out already and get a move on with it all.
It makes me feel like a disappointment all over again. First, my college career is at a pause because I’m still trying to figure things out and now I can’t even seem to have a boyfriend at the right time or at my age. To my parents, I’m just doing life the wrong way and it bugs them. I never knew there was a right or wrong way of doing life, but apparently in my family there is and I am way out of line. I can’t get anything right.
Maybe there is something wrong with me. I already have a very low self esteem so I know that’s not helping. There are times when I put myself out there, but it always backfires. I try being more confident and outgoing, but it just never works in my case. I don’t know what else I’m suppose to do.