I turned 22 years old yesterday.
To be honest. I am glad that I made it to be 22. There were many times when I didn’t think that I would make it this far because of events in my life, but I did make it. I look back and think, why did I ever want to end my life so soon? Was I really in that bad of a place? At the current moment, my life is nowhere near better and I am still struggling with depression, but I am learning how to cope with it all in a much healthier way. I am not saying that I don’t think about self harm or suicide, but I am learning to put it in the back of my mind and trying to move forward.
I have learned to accept that there is hope for everyone, including me. I now know that I have to think more positive if I want to make it anywhere. Negativity will only hold me back and that was what was happening to me this whole time. I would always let negative thoughts control my mind and I would convince myself that there was nothing good to look forward to. It was all my mindset, which hasn’t always been the best one.
I might not be where I want to be, but that’s life. Nothing is ever going to go according to plan and we just have to learn to roll with the punches. Life is always going to give us things that we can’t handle or something that might hurt us, but we can try to learn from those occurrences.
I know I’ve only been on this planet for 22 years and there is still so much more that is going to be thrown at me. I’m always going to have struggles, the only thing is that I am going to have to overcome them in any way that I can and keep my head up.
Relapses and stresses are bound to happen, but it is up to me to know what to do when those times arise. It is time to move onward. I know I’m nowhere near getting better and I know that I’m still going to suffer from my problems, but I am at least trying to have a better perspective.
March 1, 2014
dea7rko
Butterflies & Hurricanes 
1 responses to “22”
joewriteshiswrongs
March 1st, 2014 at 07:01
(my name is Jen, this is my fiance’s page who is currently incarcerated and I run his page…which is why I am letting you know it is me replying)
I don’t know your situation but I know that you are far to young to want to end your life. (Happy Birthday by the way) I am glad you are starting to look at more positive things in life though.
My fiance is incarcerated and has been for the past 5+ years with still 2 left to serve for non-violent drug charges. He came real close to suicide a year into his incarceration but as crazy as it sounds his passion for cartooning saved his life and not everyday he works hard to better his life and even surrounded by negativity everyday (which some days he just wants to say screw it all) he always looks ahead at the great things to come.
Me…I have had my share of life changing events that really messed with me and my most recent (which was really 2 years ago) being in an abusive relationship for 2 years (not with my fiance with an ex) and so many times I thought death would be better then being scared every second of my life…feeling like a prisoner. My son is what kept me going though and it wasn’t until I turned 29 when everything started coming together for me.
I always try to look at the positive in everything and yeah everyday won’t be perfect and it always gets worse before it gets better…but it does get better.
I wish you all the best and if you ever need a laugh…check out his page http://www.joewriteshiswrongs.wordpress.com it is actually really funny.
I have always loved this…
I’ve come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I’m a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life’s disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won’t be sunny, and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair, remember it’s only in the black of night you see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So don’t be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cause most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you wish for. Maybe you’ll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination.” -OTH