Online Connection

So there’s this guy. You don’t hear that as much coming from me, but bear with me and this post. I have not seen him in person yet reason being because I met him online.

I know that meeting people online might not always be the safest thing, but I did do my best to get to know him before I actually started befriending him. We have been talking for the past three months and we have developed a good friendship. We met on twitter and bonded over our mutual like for wrestling and dislike of a certain wrestler. Over this entire time that we have been talking, we have come to realize that we have so much in common. Sometimes I think that it might be too good to be true simply because it is rare when I meet someone who has the same interests as me and believe me they’re not very common things.

We both have kind of started building this connection with each other, but I’m afraid to take the next step. See over the time we have been talking I have developed a slight crush on him, but it scares me to think that this could ever come out to be something more. Especially considering we have never met in person. At the same time, though, I rather like talking online a little more than in person because it gives me the opportunity to truly be me. Whereas if I ever met a guy in person I would not talk to them at all or pretend to be someone completely different. So if this guy were to develop some sort of feelings for me, which I highly doubt,  then it would be for who I am, if that makes sense. I am a much truer version of myself online simply because I know the people on the other side don’t see me or my appearances. I am not afraid of judgement or criticism online.

But even when I do meet someone that I am comfortable with, I am still afraid to put myself out there. You see, he has already expressed to me that he wants to further our friendship to maybe even meeting one day. I don’t keep rejecting him, I just keep telling him to give us time to get to know one another better because I know I’m not ready for anything like that. There’s nothing wrong in that and he is okay with it.

Even though there is a viable connection between the two of us, I am still afraid. I fear that if we ever do meet, he might not like what he sees and will regret ever getting to know me. My self esteem is so low that I keep thinking that anyone would be able to find someone better than me. What if we meet, he sees that I have scars and it drives him off. This is something I fear with every person I meet, but it’s something that is my own fault. I also fear that I wouldn’t see him as much as I would like if anything were to develop. He lives in Washington state, but at least we are on the same coast.

Anyway. I am perfectly fine with just being friends for now. It seems like everyone these days wants to be in a committed relationship, but not me. There’s no rush on my part and if there was, I doubt that I would ever meet someone in person. I guess I have the internet to thank for that. My true self is put out there without a mask and other individuals seem to notice.

Home for the Holidays

Finals are done with. Fall semester of my junior year is officially over and I now find myself back in my cozy little home with family.

Finals week was hectic and I am glad it’s over. Five cumulative finals in three days was insane! As always I got no sleep and was buried in notes. Hopefully I did well on all my exams or at least pass them. That’s all I’m hoping for. The longest final at 26 pages was surprisingly the easiest and I believe I aced it. All the other ones I have no clue so I’ll just be waiting until that fateful day when the grades are posted.

So far being home has been good. The only bad thing is that now that I’m home it decides to snow nonstop back at school so I’m missing it all.

My dad took the entire week off of work just to be able to spend time with me so we’ve been actually hanging out and talking to one another. It felt weird at first since it rarely happens, but I’m sure I can get used to it. I mean that’s how it’s suppose to be, right? It even surprised me when he told me that he is really looking forward to me graduating in less than two years because he is planning a party with mariachi and everything. He basically told me how proud he was and how he can’t wait to see where I go with my success. That felt good especially coming from my dad. Maybe he is changing his attitude towards me so I should do my part as well.

In other news, I also went to the midnight premiere of The Hobbit, which was amazing by the way. I read the book a while back and I still can’t believe they’re making it into three movies. I just don’t see how that is possible unless they decide to add every single detail there is and not cut anything out. As a fan of Lord of the Rings, though, it was good for me.

I have only been here a few days and I will be home for about a month so who knows what else can happen or what else I’ll do. I just hope that it’s a good, relaxing break and one that I can truly enjoy with my family.